A/N: This Fic does not follow current storyline. It takes place after Jason Morgan and Elizabeth Webber part company permanently at the courthouse in December 2008. Elizabeth did not pursue a relationship with Lucky Spencer or Nikolas Cassadine. Jason did not pursue any other relationship.
“I want to show you the light is different in Italy than anywhere else in the world.”
Jason’s words played over and over again in her head. The hunk of red glass glistening in the sun light, as it streamed in the small paned window.
“The only thing is when I imagine seeing Italy, I imagine I’m with you.”
When Elizabeth spoke those words, She’d imagined that so many times. Only she wasn’t going to see Italy with him, she wasn’t even sure if she would ever see it, now.
Holding the glass up in the sunlight again, she sighed heavily. She would treasure it always. It was the last thing he ever gave her and it would be her only link to the life she could have had, if she’d only taken his hand that April day in the park.
She would never know what his lips on hers felt like. And she shouldn’t even be thinking of that. But on today of all days, she couldn’t help herself. It was silly really, to think of today as their anniversary, but to her it was. It was three years ago today, that he changed her life, and became her friend. Eventually, her more than friend.
A sad smile crossed her face at the thought of more than friends. He never really told her what that meant. Actually she still wasn’t sure what he really felt for her when he left.
“Don’t you know what you are to me?”
“No,” she whispered, “I wish I did.”
“Wish you did what?” Startled by Emily’s voice, Elizabeth quickly hid the small piece of glass in her bra, and tied her robe tighter. Turning to face her best friend, she tried to look happy, “Oh, hey Em. I was just thinking I wish I had done something different for Lucky’s gift. That’s all.”
Closing the door, Em swooshed in, already dressed in her violet-colored maid of honor gown. She looked beautiful, and Elizabeth was sure she’d get Nicholas’ attention tonight.
“Oh, well, Lucky will like whatever you got him. He’ll love it, because it’s from you, and besides,” she nearly squealed, “it’s your wedding day. We’ve dreamed of this day forever. You and Lucky are perfect together,” Emily finished dreamily.
“Yes, perfect,” Elizabeth said to herself.
“Just think about it Elizabeth, the two of you are free to do whatever you want, for the rest of your lives together,” Emily’s happy voice sang out in the small room that brides used at Queen of Angels.
“I don’t want to be free, I want to be with Lucky.”
Now that’s exactly where she was. And those words were haunting her.
“I don’t want to be free, I want to be with Lucky.”
I want to be with Lucky.
He could still hear her voice saying that very thing, it haunted him, and he hated that it did.
Jason sat back closing his eyes as he listened to the whine of the jet engines as the plane prepared for take off. He had been on many planes over the last year. Taking him to far off places and for the first time since he boarded a plan he wasn’t too pleased with his destination.
She had made her decision that April, why did he think it would be any different over a year later. Sure things can change, but he didn’t think her feelings for Lucky had. So why was he going back? Why was he going to put himself through the hurt of her rejecting him again?He knew the answer. It was because he couldn’t get her out of his mind. It didn’t matter what he did or how he tried, she was always there. Whatever dive bar he went into, or museum, or winding road he sped around she was always there. That’s why he was keeping his promise. Why he was going to let her break his heart, again.
“Just please be happy, ’cause that’s all I really want.”
He had to know... if she was happy. If she didn’t show then he would know that she was truly happy with Lucky. Something he didn’t want to believe, but it would finally allow him to let her go for good.
He should’ve never made that promise that day in the park. He should’ve just left and never looked back, because he’d been living in limbo ever since.
She blinked a few times, trying to rid her mind of that day. She could still hear Emily going on about how perfect her and Lucky’s life was going to be, “Oh, you are going to have so many firsts. Your first Thanksgiving together. Oh, and your first Christmas. It’s going to be so great.”
Elizabeth heard first Christmas, and she was back in her studio with Jason decorating the poor little tree she rescued.
“Are you going to help me?”
“With what?”
“Well, decorating the tree, of course.”
I still remember his face when I asked him to help me decorate the tree. Oh, he so didn’t want to help me, “How are you with paper and glue?” He grimaced when he answered, “Forget it,” but it was too late. I was already helping him with his jacket.
He was such a brat, but an adorable brat, and when he said, “Angels are supposed to watch over things,” I knew he was right. He was my Angel, he was the one that watched over me.
She really had to stop thinking about him. She was going to ruin her makeup, if she didn’t stop.
One April afternoon she left him shattered in the park. He left Port Charles. She pledged herself to Lucky. What happens when Elizabeth has a change of heart and Jason is nowhere to be found?
Jason tried to keep his focus as her words collided with those of Carlos, “I thought we were friends, Jason,” he could see the fear in Carlos’ eyes as he stared down the barrel of Jason’s gun.
Francis stood behind Jason, his hand on his gun ready to draw if anyone else in the room did. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into Jason. What had caused him to draw his gun on one of their associates, but he was ready to back him up, whatever the reason.
Jason narrowed his eyes giving Carlos an icy stare. His voice was calm, but there was no mistaking the tone. It was lethal, “I’m not your friend Carlos. You work for me and Sonny, don’t you forget that. If I have to come down here again, it will be “More than friends is ok. That’s how I feel about you.”dry, as he tried to swallow, “Crystal clear, Mr. Morgan,” he was able to get out.
Jason brought his arm down, putting the safety on as he slipped his gun back in the waist of his jeans, “It would be in your best interest that I don’t come back, Carlos,” were his parting words as he left the room at the casino. His pace quickenedthe last time I see you. Is that clear?”
Carlos’ mouth had gone completely walking through the lobby. I need to get off this island. If I don’t leave soon I’m never going to make it. Dammit!
“Want to tell me what that was all about?” Francis questioned as he caught up with Jason.
“I’m tired of dealing with him. I just wanted to get out of here,” Jason replied getting into the waiting car, “Airport,” he told the driver.
Francis knew there was more to it. He wasn’t sure though if he should push it, but Jason had been off his game since they stepped foot on the island yesterday, “Want to tell me what’s really going on?”
Jason gave him one of his death glares, “I already told you, so drop it Francis.”
“No, I’m not dropping it, Jason! Something’s been eating you since I met you yesterday. You’ve never lost your patience in a business meeting. You’ve never pulled your gun like that on Carlos. So what the hell is going on with you?”
Jason locked Francis in one of his icy glares. He was exasperated, but he could see Francis wasn’t going to buy it. They’d worked together too long. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and finally decided he needed to tell him something. How much was the question. Sighing, he said tiredly, “I made a promise to someone, but I don’t really know why I’m going to keep it.”
Francis wasn’t sure how to respond to that. That doesn’t sound like the Jason I know. He’s a man of his word, and he always keeps it. Period.
“Did something else happen between you and Sonny?” Francis asked, a little worried for his friend.
“No,” Jason responded looking out the car window.
“Carly, then?” Francis hoped Carly hadn’t done something stupid that Jason was going to have to get her out of.
“No,” Jason said a little more irritated this time.
Francis was at a loss. It wasn’t unusual that Jason didn’t really want to talk about it. But this promise was weighing heavily and Jason needed to come to terms with it or it could get them killed.
“Jason, look,” Francis finally said, “you don’t talk about your personal life or problems. I respect that. But, keeping your word? It’s what you do. It’s what you’ve always done.” He considered his boss and friend, “It’s obvious, though, to anyone who knows you that this promise has you tied up in knots. You’re unfocused on your job. And that can get us killed,” Francis locked his eyes to Jason’s, “so spill.”
Jason leaned forward draping his arms over his legs and clasping his hands together, “She won’t be there, but I need to know. I need to know that she’s truly happy with her choice.”
“What choice is that?” Francis asked, wanting to keep him talking.
“Lucky.”
If only that word was just a replacement for ‘fortunate’ and not a name. Francis now knew the players in this little passion play. Suddenly, Jason’s behavior became clear. He and Johnny were probably the only people on the planet who knew Jason was in love with Elizabeth. Hell, they knew before he did. But, she chose Lucky and it was killing Jason.
“You don’t know that she’s still with him, Jase,” Francis said quietly knowing how sore a subject this was for the Enforcer. “Anything could have happened.”
Francis watched as Jason clenched and unclenched his fists, a rare sign of stress for the Enforcer. He saw the pain Jason tried to hide, but this was too raw even for the man who always presented a cool mask.
Jason sucked in a deep breath and expelled it slowly, “You’re right. I won’t go back on my word. But, I already know what to expect, Francis. And, yeah, it hurts and yeah, I’m not handling it well.”
Jason sighed as he sat back, “I won’t get us killed. You have my word. I’m going home to find out once and for all that she’s happy with Lucky. I’ll learn to be happy for her.” He made another small sigh, “I don’t deserve her anyway.”
~~~*~~~
“Don’t, don’t be sorry. Just make up your mind.”
“Make up my mind, he said. Well I sure did that, didn’t I?” She huffed. “He offered me the world. And I, oh God!” She plopped down on the couch. I told him I would be happy. That I was clear on what was in my heart, and he gave that to me.
“I lied. I lied,” she muttered to no one. He’s the one that has always been in my heart, and I threw it all away.
“For what?” What I thought was love, for what everyone else wanted me to do?
She removed the small piece of glass from her bra and stared at it. Remembering the day he gave it to her, as the tears started to fall. “He was so sweet. Giving me something that was important to him,” she stifled fresh tears, “and I broke it. Like I broke us.”
I was so enthralled when he explained about the glass blowers, “I saw these glass blowers, and they made all kinds of stuff. Some of it was pretty junky – lots of gold and paint all over it. But the color of the glass was so intense. I brought back a piece to remind me. Look, it’s – kind of like a stained-glass window.”
Holding up the red glass to the light again, she let a small chuckle escape when she heard his voice tell her, “It’s not a ruby. It’s a hunk of glass. ” Looking down at the ring Lucky had given her, she wondered what a ruby ring would look like on her finger.
“This so stupid!” She shouted to the empty room. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. He’s gone, and it’s because of me. Some of the things I said to him. I was – mean. I didn’t believe him. “He never lied to me.”
I jerked him around so much. Why did he even want me to go with him?
Elizabeth sat motionless in the quiet room. She gazed into the flickering light of the three candles that sat on the table she was using for a vanity, as images of their time together came flooding back.
That first night at Jake’s“Do you know what nothing feels like?”
“Yeah. That's pretty much where I live.”
“You want to go for a ride?”
“Where?”
“Nowhere.”
She swiped at the tear that ran down her cheek, as the memory of their first ride whipped through her thoughts, as if she was on the back of his bike. The memories kept coming as she thought about all their meetings on the docks. All the times he’d just listen to her. A small smile came when she saw a few coins on the table.“Wait, wait. Hold on. What about my quarter?”
“This? This isn’t a quarter. It’s a good luck charm.”
“And I’m keeping it.”
Her small smile faded, when she thought about the first time he left.“Do you know how hard it is to lose the only person who believes I can figure out my own life?”
“You’re not losing me. I’m just going away.”
“Thank you for telling me. I mean that.”
Then he kissed me on the forehead. The only time I’ve ever felt his lips on me. Then he told me, “Good-bye,” but I couldn’t accept that, “No. I’ll see you later,” and then he was gone from my life for awhile. Then he came back and I missed him so much, but Lucky was alive. When he left again it was hard, but I was so wrapped up in Lucky being back.
“He must’ve thought I didn’t care. He probably still thinks that.” He must hate me after everything I’ve put him through.
Her own words played in her head.“I shouldn’t be doing this,” silence filled her tiny studio.
“Let you hold me and being glad you’re here.”
“Jason, you used to be my escape.”
“I – but this – Jason, this can’t happen anymore.”
Then I accused him of being a liar, of not telling the truth about Lucky. He wanted more from me, and I couldn’t allow that. She touched her lips as she thought about their almost kiss. He was going to kiss me, and I pushed him away. I told him I didn’t want that to happen again, when all I wanted was that.
Resting her elbows on the table, her head in her hands, she let a few more tears escape. I was such a fool.~~~*~~~
“I’m trying to paint the wind.”
The colors in the sky from the setting sun, as he watched from the window of the plane on its descent into Port Charles, brought a picture to his mind of her bright smiling face as she explained to him how she saw the wind from the back of his bike.
I listened to her impassioned explanation of what it felt like, and how the wind was trying to carry her, and take her away.
“If I let go, I could almost fly,” she told me.
I could have shown her the wind anywhere in the world. I hope I still can.
The plane touching down brought him out of his thoughts. Looking at his watch he still had two hours before he was to meet her. He had enough time for a ride and a visit with his Grandmother. Now he just had to get his bike out of storage.
Thirty minutes later he was on his bike riding the cliff road. Her screams and laughter following him as he sped around every curve. He could hear her asking him, “Guess what I want to do?”
~~~*~~~
“Make it right for yourself.”
“I wanted to make it right for you Jason, and I failed. Miserably,” she whispered to the empty room, as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. The demure Alencon lace covered ball gown was beautiful. Only she didn’t feel beautiful in it.
“No! No! This is all wrong,” she shouted, as she frantically tried to get out of the dress.
Emily heard her shout and came quickly into the room. She stood there for a moment in stunned silence, as her best friend seemed in a panic.
Elizabeth saw Emily and her panic seemed to increase, “Get it off! Get it off!” She plead, turning her back to Emily to unbutton the white contraption that had her feeling trapped, “I have to be free Em, I can’t do this.”
Emily was really worried for her friend. She had never seen Elizabeth like this before, “Okay, okay. Elizabeth it’s going to be okay,” she didn’t know what else to say.
“No it’s not! I’ve hurt him so badly. I’ll never be able to make it right,” her voice quaked with the buildup of her tears.
“Elizabeth, what are you talking about? How did you hurt Lucky?” Emily was confused.
Elizabeth sighed, “Not Lucky. Jason.”
“My brother? What does Jason have to do with this?” Emily was now even more confused.
“Everything,” Elizabeth whispered, “Em, please hurry.”
“I’m trying. This button is stuck on a string.”
“Oh my God,” Elizabeth gasped, “How could I have forgotten?”
“Forgotten? Forgotten what?” Emily’s question went unanswered as Elizabeth was transported back to that April day in the park.
I was trying so hard not to cry when I walked away. Then he said my name in that soft voice of his that made me shutter.
“Elizabeth.”
He was trying to hide it, but I could hear the hurt, “I’ll make you a promise. I’ll come back in a year. You name the date and time, and I’ll be here,” I could hear him swallow his pain, “If you’re not happy with Lucky, then I’ll take you where ever you want to go. No strings.”
A small smile graced my lips as I turned to look at him one last time. He always thought about what I needed. I just took him in for a moment before I answered, and then said the first thing that came to my mind, “August 27th, Jake’s. Seven o’clock,” then I turned and practically ran.
“Elizabeth. Elizabeth! Are you alright?” Emily’s voice shook her from her thoughts. She could feel the dress loosen, as Emily finished with the last few buttons.
“What time is it?” Elizabeth asked hurriedly
Looking around for a clock, Emily noticed one on the wall, “Um… seven. Why?”
“Oh, God! Hurry Em, I have to get out of here.”
“Elizabeth, what do you mean? You are supposed to be marrying Lucky in thirty minutes,” Emily still hadn’t figured out what was going on with her best friend.
Elizabeth felt the panic rise again at Emily’s words, “I can’t marry Lucky. I don’t love him. I mean I love him, but I’m just not in love with him anymore. And if I don’t hurry, he’s going to be gone.”
Emily was trying to keep up, but was having a hard time. “Elizabeth, what are you talking about? What do you mean you’re not in love with Lucky? And who’s going to be gone?”
“Jason. He’s waiting for me at Jake’s and I’m not going to make it and he’ll be gone,” the tears were coming now.
Then it dawned on Emily, “Wait a minute,” she shook off her confusion, “you’re in love with Jason. All this time you’ve been in love with him. Haven’t you?”
Elizabeth let the dress fall as Emily let go moving away from her. Stepping out of the gown, she looked at her stunned friend, “Em, I promise, I’ll tell you all about it. But later, I have to go.”
She moved around quickly taking off all her wedding garb and throwing on her jeans, blouse, and with no time to spare the white open toe pumps she just took off. Throwing open the door, she called back to Em, “Tell Lucky I’m sorry.”
“Wait!” Emily called out running to the door trying to catch her best friend, “Where are you going?”
Elizabeth paused quickly, ignoring all the looks from the guests, “To see the light in Italy.”
~~~*~~~
“What if I sketch you playing pool?”
The memory of his arms wrapped around her as he taught her how to play pool assaulted him.
“This wasn’t a very bright idea,” he mumbled to himself. But he needed something to do as he waited, and drinking was out of the question. He could have tossed several back in the fifteen minutes that he’d been here.
Being half way to drunk wasn’t a good idea.
He’d been right, she wasn’t coming. But he’d wait all night if he had to just to make sure he didn’t miss her. Just to make sure she didn’t haunt his waking dreams anymore.
He bent over to take his next shot, when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It meant only one thing, she was here.
She rushed inside, so sure that she’d missed him. So sure that he came and saw that she wasn’t here and left. But she was wrong and she’d never been happier in her life to be so. She just stood and watched him, not being able to move, not really believing that he was real.
Jason made his shot, then placed his pool cue on the table. Coming around the table he leaned against it, hands on his hips, and locked eyes with her. He felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him in that moment. She was beautiful, and sad, and hopeful, and all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms.
She couldn’t look away from those gorgeous blue eyes she’d missed so much. They mesmerized her as she slowly made her way to him. Then, as if she had no control over her body, she was practically running as she threw herself into him. She felt his strong arms wrap around her, as he lifted her off the floor.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, “I knew you’d be here, and I almost wasn’t. Forgive me.”
Setting her down, he ran his hands through her hair, his voice hushed, “There’s nothing to forgive.”
She dropped her head. She couldn’t look at him, “There’s so much. I treated you so horribly the last time you where home. I was mean, and I jerked you around, and called you a liar,” her eyes brimming with tears, “why did you come back?”
He lifted her chin, and she gasped at what she saw in his eyes. She saw all the love she felt for him reflected back at her. Then she felt her spine tingle at the sound of his voice, “Elizabeth, I think you know the answer to that,” his hands cupping her face. Brushing away an errant tear.
“No, Jason, I don’t,” she said somberly, then she started to giggle.
Jason quirked a sandy brow at her as she calmed.
Composing herself, she answered his silent inquiry, “I just realized you’re never going to tell me what I mean to you, and I’m okay with that, as long as we’re together.”
Giving her one of his half smiles, he leaned in. His lips mere inches from hers. His warm breath tingling her lips, “Everything, Elizabeth, you’re everything to me.”
She melted into him when she felt his lips for the very first time on hers. Gently his soft lips caressed her plump ones. Moaning she opened her mouth for him to take more, and he did as his tongue slowly explored hers drinking all of her in. The kiss became all consuming, and she clung to him wanting more. The need for air soon broke them apart.
Breathing heavily, their foreheads resting together she tried to speak, “Jason,” she got out breathlessly.
“Hm,” he replied looking into her eyes.A smile graced her face, “You know what I want to do?”
He smiled back when he answered, “Go nowhere?”
She shook her head, “No, I want to go everywhere.”
“Everywhere?”
“Mm-hmm, with you, always with you,” she said softly.
He stepped back and held out his hand, “Come with me?”
Her small hand fit perfectly. End.
~~~*~~~ “Don’t you see what’s right in front of you?”
I couldn’t. Not then, and now it’s too late. She’s told herself that day, that she was doing the right thing. She was doing what her heart wanted, and now it was too late to change it. Would I, if I could? If Jason walked through that door, would I leave Lucky? Would I take that chance?
“Oh, Elizabeth, the whole world is waiting for you,” Emily’s sweet voice startled her.
She had forgotten she wasn’t alone, and as Emily’s words registered her eyes began to moisten.
Emily was puzzled by Elizabeth reaction, and it worried her, “Elizabeth? Are you ok? Did I say something wrong?” She couldn’t believe she was causing her friend to cry on her wedding day.
Dabbing at her eyes, Elizabeth turned giving her best friend a small smile, “Em, I’m ok. Really,” she smiled brighter even though it was forced, “It’s just...,” how did she tell Em, her best friend, that her brother offered to take her to see the world.
She didn’t have to, thankfully. Emily apologized for making her cry, then went about telling her how excited she was for her and Lucky. How everyone was so excited for them. It was meant to be.
Only Elizabeth wasn’t listening. Her thoughts drifted back to the blond haired, blue eye Enforcer that had stolen a piece of her heart.
She’d thought about the first time she’d meet him in the box car. Well, it was the second time she’d actually met him, and she couldn’t help but stare, as he talked to Lucky. And then she made a fool out of herself and he was so nice about it. Thinking about the box car, her thoughts drifted to that cold December day she found him in the snow.
I was so scared he was going to die on me. I would have been so lost without him.“Go nowhere?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Fast,” was her reply to me with that bright smile of hers. She has such a beautiful smile. It always came out when we went for a ride. I think she was the happiest when she was on the back of my bike. I’d give anything to see her smile like that again. To have her on the back of my bike, screaming with the wind.
Trying to outrace her image, he sped down the road heading to see his Grandmother. Standing outside the French doors leading into the den at the Quartermaine Estate he blew out a breath as he slowly opened them. He made enough noise to avoid startling his Grandmother before he spoke, “Hello, Grandmother.”
“Jason, dear,” her eyes sparkled with happiness. “It’s so good to see you.”
Kneeling down next to her wheel chair, he gave her a kiss on her cheek, “It’s good to see you, too.”
Lila could see the tension roll off of him. Taking Jason’s hand in hers she looked lovingly at him, “Now tell me, dear. What’s bothering you?”
Smirking, he rubbed his free hand over the back of his neck. She always knows how to get to the point. He hesitated a moment, “I um... made a promise to someone, and now I’m wishing I didn’t.”
Lila patted his hand, “And why is that dear? This promise, is it hard to keep?”
He shook his head ‘no’, but his words said the opposite, “It’s just that I know the outcome. She won’t be there.”
Lila’s smile grew brighter, and her eyes sparkled, “And you know this for sure?”
Jason’s shoulders slumped, as he quietly answered, “No.”
Lila could see the torment he was causing himself over this promise, “You love her? This girl, don’t you,” Jason didn’t answer and Lila didn’t need one. She saw it in his eyes when he looked up at her.
“Would you like my advice, dear?”
He nodded ‘yes’, so she continued, “I know this is difficult for you, but you have never broken a promise, and if you start now, and she is there, and you aren’t – the possibility of ‘what if’, will always be with you. You have to find out one way or the other, Jason,” she smiled at him, “now go. I have a feeling you won’t be disappointed.”
Jason gave his Grandmother’s hand a light squeeze. Standing he smiled down at her, “Thank you,” he said softly.
Taking a Chance @The No Name
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| The No Name |
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Jason’s words played over and over again in her head. The hunk of red glass glistening in the sun light, as it streamed in the small paned window.
“The only thing is when I imagine seeing Italy, I imagine I’m with you.”
When Elizabeth spoke those words, She’d imagined that so many times. Only she wasn’t going to see Italy with him, she wasn’t even sure if she would ever see it, now.
Holding the glass up in the sunlight again, she sighed heavily. She would treasure it always. It was the last thing he ever gave her and it would be her only link to the life she could have had, if she’d only taken his hand that April day in the park.
She would never know what his lips on hers felt like. And she shouldn’t even be thinking of that. But on today of all days, she couldn’t help herself. It was silly really, to think of today as their anniversary, but to her it was. It was three years ago today, that he changed her life, and became her friend. Eventually, her more than friend.
A sad smile crossed her face at the thought of more than friends. He never really told her what that meant. Actually she still wasn’t sure what he really felt for her when he left.
“Don’t you know what you are to me?”
“No,” she whispered, “I wish I did.”
“Wish you did what?” Startled by Emily’s voice, Elizabeth quickly hid the small piece of glass in her bra, and tied her robe tighter. Turning to face her best friend, she tried to look happy, “Oh, hey Em. I was just thinking I wish I had done something different for Lucky’s gift. That’s all.”
Closing the door, Em swooshed in, already dressed in her violet-colored maid of honor gown. She looked beautiful, and Elizabeth was sure she’d get Nicholas’ attention tonight.
“Oh, well, Lucky will like whatever you got him. He’ll love it, because it’s from you, and besides,” she nearly squealed, “it’s your wedding day. We’ve dreamed of this day forever. You and Lucky are perfect together,” Emily finished dreamily.
“Yes, perfect,” Elizabeth said to herself.
“Just think about it Elizabeth, the two of you are free to do whatever you want, for the rest of your lives together,” Emily’s happy voice sang out in the small room that brides used at Queen of Angels.
“I don’t want to be free, I want to be with Lucky.”
Now that’s exactly where she was. And those words were haunting her.
~~~*~~~
“I don’t want to be free, I want to be with Lucky.”
I want to be with Lucky.
He could still hear her voice saying that very thing, it haunted him, and he hated that it did.
Jason sat back closing his eyes as he listened to the whine of the jet engines as the plane prepared for take off. He had been on many planes over the last year. Taking him to far off places and for the first time since he boarded a plan he wasn’t too pleased with his destination.
She had made her decision that April, why did he think it would be any different over a year later. Sure things can change, but he didn’t think her feelings for Lucky had. So why was he going back? Why was he going to put himself through the hurt of her rejecting him again?He knew the answer. It was because he couldn’t get her out of his mind. It didn’t matter what he did or how he tried, she was always there. Whatever dive bar he went into, or museum, or winding road he sped around she was always there. That’s why he was keeping his promise. Why he was going to let her break his heart, again.
“Just please be happy, ’cause that’s all I really want.”
He had to know... if she was happy. If she didn’t show then he would know that she was truly happy with Lucky. Something he didn’t want to believe, but it would finally allow him to let her go for good.
He should’ve never made that promise that day in the park. He should’ve just left and never looked back, because he’d been living in limbo ever since.
She blinked a few times, trying to rid her mind of that day. She could still hear Emily going on about how perfect her and Lucky’s life was going to be, “Oh, you are going to have so many firsts. Your first Thanksgiving together. Oh, and your first Christmas. It’s going to be so great.”
Elizabeth heard first Christmas, and she was back in her studio with Jason decorating the poor little tree she rescued.
“Are you going to help me?”
“With what?”
“Well, decorating the tree, of course.”
I still remember his face when I asked him to help me decorate the tree. Oh, he so didn’t want to help me, “How are you with paper and glue?” He grimaced when he answered, “Forget it,” but it was too late. I was already helping him with his jacket.
He was such a brat, but an adorable brat, and when he said, “Angels are supposed to watch over things,” I knew he was right. He was my Angel, he was the one that watched over me.
She really had to stop thinking about him. She was going to ruin her makeup, if she didn’t stop.
One April afternoon she left him shattered in the park. He left Port Charles. She pledged herself to Lucky. What happens when Elizabeth has a change of heart and Jason is nowhere to be found?
~~~*~~~
Jason tried to keep his focus as her words collided with those of Carlos, “I thought we were friends, Jason,” he could see the fear in Carlos’ eyes as he stared down the barrel of Jason’s gun.
Francis stood behind Jason, his hand on his gun ready to draw if anyone else in the room did. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into Jason. What had caused him to draw his gun on one of their associates, but he was ready to back him up, whatever the reason.
Jason narrowed his eyes giving Carlos an icy stare. His voice was calm, but there was no mistaking the tone. It was lethal, “I’m not your friend Carlos. You work for me and Sonny, don’t you forget that. If I have to come down here again, it will be “More than friends is ok. That’s how I feel about you.”dry, as he tried to swallow, “Crystal clear, Mr. Morgan,” he was able to get out.
Jason brought his arm down, putting the safety on as he slipped his gun back in the waist of his jeans, “It would be in your best interest that I don’t come back, Carlos,” were his parting words as he left the room at the casino. His pace quickenedthe last time I see you. Is that clear?”
Carlos’ mouth had gone completely walking through the lobby. I need to get off this island. If I don’t leave soon I’m never going to make it. Dammit!
“Want to tell me what that was all about?” Francis questioned as he caught up with Jason.
“I’m tired of dealing with him. I just wanted to get out of here,” Jason replied getting into the waiting car, “Airport,” he told the driver.
Francis knew there was more to it. He wasn’t sure though if he should push it, but Jason had been off his game since they stepped foot on the island yesterday, “Want to tell me what’s really going on?”
Jason gave him one of his death glares, “I already told you, so drop it Francis.”
“No, I’m not dropping it, Jason! Something’s been eating you since I met you yesterday. You’ve never lost your patience in a business meeting. You’ve never pulled your gun like that on Carlos. So what the hell is going on with you?”
Jason locked Francis in one of his icy glares. He was exasperated, but he could see Francis wasn’t going to buy it. They’d worked together too long. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and finally decided he needed to tell him something. How much was the question. Sighing, he said tiredly, “I made a promise to someone, but I don’t really know why I’m going to keep it.”
Francis wasn’t sure how to respond to that. That doesn’t sound like the Jason I know. He’s a man of his word, and he always keeps it. Period.
“Did something else happen between you and Sonny?” Francis asked, a little worried for his friend.
“No,” Jason responded looking out the car window.
“Carly, then?” Francis hoped Carly hadn’t done something stupid that Jason was going to have to get her out of.
“No,” Jason said a little more irritated this time.
Francis was at a loss. It wasn’t unusual that Jason didn’t really want to talk about it. But this promise was weighing heavily and Jason needed to come to terms with it or it could get them killed.
“Jason, look,” Francis finally said, “you don’t talk about your personal life or problems. I respect that. But, keeping your word? It’s what you do. It’s what you’ve always done.” He considered his boss and friend, “It’s obvious, though, to anyone who knows you that this promise has you tied up in knots. You’re unfocused on your job. And that can get us killed,” Francis locked his eyes to Jason’s, “so spill.”
Jason leaned forward draping his arms over his legs and clasping his hands together, “She won’t be there, but I need to know. I need to know that she’s truly happy with her choice.”
“What choice is that?” Francis asked, wanting to keep him talking.
“Lucky.”
If only that word was just a replacement for ‘fortunate’ and not a name. Francis now knew the players in this little passion play. Suddenly, Jason’s behavior became clear. He and Johnny were probably the only people on the planet who knew Jason was in love with Elizabeth. Hell, they knew before he did. But, she chose Lucky and it was killing Jason.
“You don’t know that she’s still with him, Jase,” Francis said quietly knowing how sore a subject this was for the Enforcer. “Anything could have happened.”
Francis watched as Jason clenched and unclenched his fists, a rare sign of stress for the Enforcer. He saw the pain Jason tried to hide, but this was too raw even for the man who always presented a cool mask.
Jason sucked in a deep breath and expelled it slowly, “You’re right. I won’t go back on my word. But, I already know what to expect, Francis. And, yeah, it hurts and yeah, I’m not handling it well.”
Jason sighed as he sat back, “I won’t get us killed. You have my word. I’m going home to find out once and for all that she’s happy with Lucky. I’ll learn to be happy for her.” He made another small sigh, “I don’t deserve her anyway.”
“Don’t, don’t be sorry. Just make up your mind.”
“Make up my mind, he said. Well I sure did that, didn’t I?” She huffed. “He offered me the world. And I, oh God!” She plopped down on the couch. I told him I would be happy. That I was clear on what was in my heart, and he gave that to me.
“I lied. I lied,” she muttered to no one. He’s the one that has always been in my heart, and I threw it all away.
“For what?” What I thought was love, for what everyone else wanted me to do?
She removed the small piece of glass from her bra and stared at it. Remembering the day he gave it to her, as the tears started to fall. “He was so sweet. Giving me something that was important to him,” she stifled fresh tears, “and I broke it. Like I broke us.”
I was so enthralled when he explained about the glass blowers, “I saw these glass blowers, and they made all kinds of stuff. Some of it was pretty junky – lots of gold and paint all over it. But the color of the glass was so intense. I brought back a piece to remind me. Look, it’s – kind of like a stained-glass window.”
Holding up the red glass to the light again, she let a small chuckle escape when she heard his voice tell her, “It’s not a ruby. It’s a hunk of glass. ” Looking down at the ring Lucky had given her, she wondered what a ruby ring would look like on her finger.
“This so stupid!” She shouted to the empty room. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. He’s gone, and it’s because of me. Some of the things I said to him. I was – mean. I didn’t believe him. “He never lied to me.”
I jerked him around so much. Why did he even want me to go with him?
Elizabeth sat motionless in the quiet room. She gazed into the flickering light of the three candles that sat on the table she was using for a vanity, as images of their time together came flooding back.
That first night at Jake’s“Do you know what nothing feels like?”
“Yeah. That's pretty much where I live.”
“You want to go for a ride?”
“Where?”
“Nowhere.”
She swiped at the tear that ran down her cheek, as the memory of their first ride whipped through her thoughts, as if she was on the back of his bike. The memories kept coming as she thought about all their meetings on the docks. All the times he’d just listen to her. A small smile came when she saw a few coins on the table.“Wait, wait. Hold on. What about my quarter?”
“This? This isn’t a quarter. It’s a good luck charm.”
“And I’m keeping it.”
Her small smile faded, when she thought about the first time he left.“Do you know how hard it is to lose the only person who believes I can figure out my own life?”
“You’re not losing me. I’m just going away.”
“Thank you for telling me. I mean that.”
Then he kissed me on the forehead. The only time I’ve ever felt his lips on me. Then he told me, “Good-bye,” but I couldn’t accept that, “No. I’ll see you later,” and then he was gone from my life for awhile. Then he came back and I missed him so much, but Lucky was alive. When he left again it was hard, but I was so wrapped up in Lucky being back.
“He must’ve thought I didn’t care. He probably still thinks that.” He must hate me after everything I’ve put him through.
Her own words played in her head.“I shouldn’t be doing this,” silence filled her tiny studio.
“Let you hold me and being glad you’re here.”
“Jason, you used to be my escape.”
“I – but this – Jason, this can’t happen anymore.”
Then I accused him of being a liar, of not telling the truth about Lucky. He wanted more from me, and I couldn’t allow that. She touched her lips as she thought about their almost kiss. He was going to kiss me, and I pushed him away. I told him I didn’t want that to happen again, when all I wanted was that.
Resting her elbows on the table, her head in her hands, she let a few more tears escape. I was such a fool.
“I’m trying to paint the wind.”
The colors in the sky from the setting sun, as he watched from the window of the plane on its descent into Port Charles, brought a picture to his mind of her bright smiling face as she explained to him how she saw the wind from the back of his bike.
I listened to her impassioned explanation of what it felt like, and how the wind was trying to carry her, and take her away.
“If I let go, I could almost fly,” she told me.
I could have shown her the wind anywhere in the world. I hope I still can.
The plane touching down brought him out of his thoughts. Looking at his watch he still had two hours before he was to meet her. He had enough time for a ride and a visit with his Grandmother. Now he just had to get his bike out of storage.
Thirty minutes later he was on his bike riding the cliff road. Her screams and laughter following him as he sped around every curve. He could hear her asking him, “Guess what I want to do?”
“Make it right for yourself.”
“I wanted to make it right for you Jason, and I failed. Miserably,” she whispered to the empty room, as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. The demure Alencon lace covered ball gown was beautiful. Only she didn’t feel beautiful in it.
“No! No! This is all wrong,” she shouted, as she frantically tried to get out of the dress.
Emily heard her shout and came quickly into the room. She stood there for a moment in stunned silence, as her best friend seemed in a panic.
Elizabeth saw Emily and her panic seemed to increase, “Get it off! Get it off!” She plead, turning her back to Emily to unbutton the white contraption that had her feeling trapped, “I have to be free Em, I can’t do this.”
Emily was really worried for her friend. She had never seen Elizabeth like this before, “Okay, okay. Elizabeth it’s going to be okay,” she didn’t know what else to say.
“No it’s not! I’ve hurt him so badly. I’ll never be able to make it right,” her voice quaked with the buildup of her tears.
“Elizabeth, what are you talking about? How did you hurt Lucky?” Emily was confused.
Elizabeth sighed, “Not Lucky. Jason.”
“My brother? What does Jason have to do with this?” Emily was now even more confused.
“Everything,” Elizabeth whispered, “Em, please hurry.”
“I’m trying. This button is stuck on a string.”
“Oh my God,” Elizabeth gasped, “How could I have forgotten?”
“Forgotten? Forgotten what?” Emily’s question went unanswered as Elizabeth was transported back to that April day in the park.
I was trying so hard not to cry when I walked away. Then he said my name in that soft voice of his that made me shutter.
“Elizabeth.”
He was trying to hide it, but I could hear the hurt, “I’ll make you a promise. I’ll come back in a year. You name the date and time, and I’ll be here,” I could hear him swallow his pain, “If you’re not happy with Lucky, then I’ll take you where ever you want to go. No strings.”
A small smile graced my lips as I turned to look at him one last time. He always thought about what I needed. I just took him in for a moment before I answered, and then said the first thing that came to my mind, “August 27th, Jake’s. Seven o’clock,” then I turned and practically ran.
“Elizabeth. Elizabeth! Are you alright?” Emily’s voice shook her from her thoughts. She could feel the dress loosen, as Emily finished with the last few buttons.
“What time is it?” Elizabeth asked hurriedly
Looking around for a clock, Emily noticed one on the wall, “Um… seven. Why?”
“Oh, God! Hurry Em, I have to get out of here.”
“Elizabeth, what do you mean? You are supposed to be marrying Lucky in thirty minutes,” Emily still hadn’t figured out what was going on with her best friend.
Elizabeth felt the panic rise again at Emily’s words, “I can’t marry Lucky. I don’t love him. I mean I love him, but I’m just not in love with him anymore. And if I don’t hurry, he’s going to be gone.”
Emily was trying to keep up, but was having a hard time. “Elizabeth, what are you talking about? What do you mean you’re not in love with Lucky? And who’s going to be gone?”
“Jason. He’s waiting for me at Jake’s and I’m not going to make it and he’ll be gone,” the tears were coming now.
Then it dawned on Emily, “Wait a minute,” she shook off her confusion, “you’re in love with Jason. All this time you’ve been in love with him. Haven’t you?”
Elizabeth let the dress fall as Emily let go moving away from her. Stepping out of the gown, she looked at her stunned friend, “Em, I promise, I’ll tell you all about it. But later, I have to go.”
She moved around quickly taking off all her wedding garb and throwing on her jeans, blouse, and with no time to spare the white open toe pumps she just took off. Throwing open the door, she called back to Em, “Tell Lucky I’m sorry.”
“Wait!” Emily called out running to the door trying to catch her best friend, “Where are you going?”
Elizabeth paused quickly, ignoring all the looks from the guests, “To see the light in Italy.”
“What if I sketch you playing pool?”
The memory of his arms wrapped around her as he taught her how to play pool assaulted him.
“This wasn’t a very bright idea,” he mumbled to himself. But he needed something to do as he waited, and drinking was out of the question. He could have tossed several back in the fifteen minutes that he’d been here.
Being half way to drunk wasn’t a good idea.
He’d been right, she wasn’t coming. But he’d wait all night if he had to just to make sure he didn’t miss her. Just to make sure she didn’t haunt his waking dreams anymore.
He bent over to take his next shot, when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It meant only one thing, she was here.
She rushed inside, so sure that she’d missed him. So sure that he came and saw that she wasn’t here and left. But she was wrong and she’d never been happier in her life to be so. She just stood and watched him, not being able to move, not really believing that he was real.
Jason made his shot, then placed his pool cue on the table. Coming around the table he leaned against it, hands on his hips, and locked eyes with her. He felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him in that moment. She was beautiful, and sad, and hopeful, and all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms.
She couldn’t look away from those gorgeous blue eyes she’d missed so much. They mesmerized her as she slowly made her way to him. Then, as if she had no control over her body, she was practically running as she threw herself into him. She felt his strong arms wrap around her, as he lifted her off the floor.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, “I knew you’d be here, and I almost wasn’t. Forgive me.”
Setting her down, he ran his hands through her hair, his voice hushed, “There’s nothing to forgive.”
She dropped her head. She couldn’t look at him, “There’s so much. I treated you so horribly the last time you where home. I was mean, and I jerked you around, and called you a liar,” her eyes brimming with tears, “why did you come back?”
He lifted her chin, and she gasped at what she saw in his eyes. She saw all the love she felt for him reflected back at her. Then she felt her spine tingle at the sound of his voice, “Elizabeth, I think you know the answer to that,” his hands cupping her face. Brushing away an errant tear.
“No, Jason, I don’t,” she said somberly, then she started to giggle.
Jason quirked a sandy brow at her as she calmed.
Composing herself, she answered his silent inquiry, “I just realized you’re never going to tell me what I mean to you, and I’m okay with that, as long as we’re together.”
Giving her one of his half smiles, he leaned in. His lips mere inches from hers. His warm breath tingling her lips, “Everything, Elizabeth, you’re everything to me.”
She melted into him when she felt his lips for the very first time on hers. Gently his soft lips caressed her plump ones. Moaning she opened her mouth for him to take more, and he did as his tongue slowly explored hers drinking all of her in. The kiss became all consuming, and she clung to him wanting more. The need for air soon broke them apart.
Breathing heavily, their foreheads resting together she tried to speak, “Jason,” she got out breathlessly.
“Hm,” he replied looking into her eyes.A smile graced her face, “You know what I want to do?”
He smiled back when he answered, “Go nowhere?”
She shook her head, “No, I want to go everywhere.”
“Everywhere?”
“Mm-hmm, with you, always with you,” she said softly.
He stepped back and held out his hand, “Come with me?”
Her small hand fit perfectly. End.
I couldn’t. Not then, and now it’s too late. She’s told herself that day, that she was doing the right thing. She was doing what her heart wanted, and now it was too late to change it. Would I, if I could? If Jason walked through that door, would I leave Lucky? Would I take that chance?
“Oh, Elizabeth, the whole world is waiting for you,” Emily’s sweet voice startled her.
She had forgotten she wasn’t alone, and as Emily’s words registered her eyes began to moisten.
Emily was puzzled by Elizabeth reaction, and it worried her, “Elizabeth? Are you ok? Did I say something wrong?” She couldn’t believe she was causing her friend to cry on her wedding day.
Dabbing at her eyes, Elizabeth turned giving her best friend a small smile, “Em, I’m ok. Really,” she smiled brighter even though it was forced, “It’s just...,” how did she tell Em, her best friend, that her brother offered to take her to see the world.
She didn’t have to, thankfully. Emily apologized for making her cry, then went about telling her how excited she was for her and Lucky. How everyone was so excited for them. It was meant to be.
Only Elizabeth wasn’t listening. Her thoughts drifted back to the blond haired, blue eye Enforcer that had stolen a piece of her heart.
She’d thought about the first time she’d meet him in the box car. Well, it was the second time she’d actually met him, and she couldn’t help but stare, as he talked to Lucky. And then she made a fool out of herself and he was so nice about it. Thinking about the box car, her thoughts drifted to that cold December day she found him in the snow.
I was so scared he was going to die on me. I would have been so lost without him.“Go nowhere?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Fast,” was her reply to me with that bright smile of hers. She has such a beautiful smile. It always came out when we went for a ride. I think she was the happiest when she was on the back of my bike. I’d give anything to see her smile like that again. To have her on the back of my bike, screaming with the wind.
Trying to outrace her image, he sped down the road heading to see his Grandmother. Standing outside the French doors leading into the den at the Quartermaine Estate he blew out a breath as he slowly opened them. He made enough noise to avoid startling his Grandmother before he spoke, “Hello, Grandmother.”
“Jason, dear,” her eyes sparkled with happiness. “It’s so good to see you.”
Kneeling down next to her wheel chair, he gave her a kiss on her cheek, “It’s good to see you, too.”
Lila could see the tension roll off of him. Taking Jason’s hand in hers she looked lovingly at him, “Now tell me, dear. What’s bothering you?”
Smirking, he rubbed his free hand over the back of his neck. She always knows how to get to the point. He hesitated a moment, “I um... made a promise to someone, and now I’m wishing I didn’t.”
Lila patted his hand, “And why is that dear? This promise, is it hard to keep?”
He shook his head ‘no’, but his words said the opposite, “It’s just that I know the outcome. She won’t be there.”
Lila’s smile grew brighter, and her eyes sparkled, “And you know this for sure?”
Jason’s shoulders slumped, as he quietly answered, “No.”
Lila could see the torment he was causing himself over this promise, “You love her? This girl, don’t you,” Jason didn’t answer and Lila didn’t need one. She saw it in his eyes when he looked up at her.
“Would you like my advice, dear?”
He nodded ‘yes’, so she continued, “I know this is difficult for you, but you have never broken a promise, and if you start now, and she is there, and you aren’t – the possibility of ‘what if’, will always be with you. You have to find out one way or the other, Jason,” she smiled at him, “now go. I have a feeling you won’t be disappointed.”
Jason gave his Grandmother’s hand a light squeeze. Standing he smiled down at her, “Thank you,” he said softly.
Taking a Chance @The No Name
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